I forced myself to write to you,
I could not stand that burning wish
A caged bird now in your hands
You can just set me free or punish.
But you, descending to my poor state,
You can’t be nonchalant I’m sure nor blind
You can’t be cruel to my fate
And keeping just a bit of, no,
Not love but probably compassion
You won’t fade away and leave me
Not sharing even in the least
My scorching and uninvited passion.
I wanted keep it in myself
At the beginning, please, believe me
You’d never get that poor letter,
You’d never know of my shame
Or expectations of my soul
If having just a bit of hope
I would be sure to simply hear
Your voice or maybe see
Your noble face in candle light
And thinking, thinking all the time
Of a new meeting just in crowd
Of people too indifferent to feelings...
But there are rumors – you’re a hermit
I don’t believe that can be true...
Although it’s boring in the country-side
Far from the capital and court...
But we... What can I say about us?
There’s nothing very outstanding or great
Or even fascinating
Though we are glad to, no,
I’d say, are happy
Just to meet you here.
Why did you visit us?
In depth of God-forgotten place
I’d have never known you
Nor learnt the sorrow and pain
Of the unblurred conscience...
Who knows maybe in the future
I’ll find someone who would be
A friend and husband and good father
And me... I could be a faithful wife and loving mother...
Some other person...
I will never give my aching heart
To anyone except you...
And I don’t know who you are
And I don’t care.
The devil maybe or the angel
The only thing for me is clear –
You are a reflection of my dreams
And have been sent to me by providence
Or God, who knows.
And I’d been loving your charming image
Before I even saw it...
Long ago, no, it was not a dream nor reverie.
And when you filed in through that door
Me, burning down, petrified
I knew exactly that was him!
The only thought was crying
And pounding inside.
And I remembered again your voice
As you just talked to me
So many times in silence
While I was helping poor people
And calming down the violence
In their souls or praying God
Intending by the prayer
To set some peace in mine.
And at this very moment
Was not it you, my dear angel,
That flickered in dazzling darkness
And kissed me silently?
Was not it you, that lovingly
Some words of hope whispered to me?
Please, solve the doubts of a soul
Newborn and trapped in devil’s web.
Or maybe that’s even not worth thinking of?
And life itself is storing some other lot for me...
But, no, right now I’m giving all myself to you
Without any rest.
And heavy tears are rolling down my cheeks
As though asking for a defence
And words of consolation.
You just imagine – I’m all alone here
And no one else can mere understand...
My mind is pressed by burden of...
How they call it? Common sense?
Yes, that’s it... “sense”...
I’m left and dying...
And looking forward to see you
Here one more time.
Please, come and set some peace in mind,
Or break the dream
So clear and fragile.
With the only word of fear or reproach!
I’m finishing! I’m frightened to reread,
The shame and fear my body penetrated.
But I believe you won’t spoil the life
And reputation of a girl
So innocent and young as me
In this world where everything
So unjustly was created.
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